His Loving Gaze

From a very young age I have been known to be a poised person, not one to be taken over by impulse. But post delivering my son 15 months ago, my hormones have been raging like that of a teenager. And there are no words to describe how it is to feel like a 17 year old in a 31 year old physical form - where you have to 'adult' (verb form usage mean act like an adult) with people around you, especially your spouse who is super-adulting due to his corporate work environment where he spends close to 10 hours a day. 'Frustrating' describes this situation rather mildly.

Nevertheless, like it or not, one needs to deal with 'it' as you have mouths(and hungry stomachs) to feed, and a baby to be taken care of  which necessitates the need for atleast some amount of stable mind and rational thinking.  And the only way to do that is to channelise the surplus swinging temperament into something creative. So here is a poem I wrote recently -

His Loving Gaze

His loving gaze

That melts you from inside

That warms your heart

That fills you with hope and strength

That reassures you that He is there for you

That makes sure you are protected. Always.

That sometimes turns into "I told you to listen to me" look

That traces your curves as you do your morning stretch

That turns away when you turn and look for it

That you have learnt to sense from your heart

That you want to enjoy eye to eye

That is cast upon you only exactly when you look away

That, by now, you have learnt to enjoy through the corner of your eye

That is as warm as his embrace

His Loving Gaze, His Loving Grace

When reading the above please read every line to begin with the phrase 'His loving gaze'

Image credit - https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7PkV0EQjiVk/maxresdefault.jpg

Yaad

आज उनकी याद बहुत आ रही है
उन्हें ढूंढते ढूंढते हम किधर आ पहुंचे पता नही,
 पर अब तक उनके पता का  भी कोई पता नही ।
अगर तुम्हे कुछ मालुम हुआ
तो हमे ज़रूर पता करवा देना, ए ज़िन्दगी ।।

Vahi

वही नज़ारा
वही झरोका
वही आहट
वही आवाज़
वही परछाई
वही खुशबू
वही मिठास
वही एहसास
हम भी वही , वहीं
लेकिन यारोँ बस अब वो नही कहीं

Receding Clouds of Happiness - ए बिखरते बादल, लौटके ज़रूर आना

Here is my next poem - or rather my attempt at poetry -
The poem is a sneak peek into a mind that is in love, and how it reacts to the fear of separation of the smallest order.

ए बिखरते बादल, लौटके ज़रूर आना
जब सूख रहा था धूप मे तब जिन्दगी के रंग से था अनजाना
फिर आया एक रुत परवाना कर गया अधूरेपन को बेगाना

डरावने काले घटा छाने लगे,फिर शुरु किया प्यार के बादलों ने रंग बरसानाआंगन मे फूल खिलने लगे, ऐसा सुकून कभी न था जाना

रूखे रूखे उन लम्हों को सिखाया इस सावन ने भुलाना
फिर अचानक आए सूर्य महाराज शुरु कर दिया इन बादलों को भगाना

डरता है मन कहीं ये वापस न आए, इस बदरा के नीचे है इस पन्छी को पंख फैलानाइन्तजार रहेगा इन काले मेघों का ,अगले बार लायें वो इससे भी सुन्दर नज़राना 

अम्बर को धरती से जोड दें, ले आके तोहफ़ा ऐसासतरंगी इन्द्रधनुष हो इतना सुहाना, जितनी बार भी देखूँ बन जाऊँ दीवाना 

ये सात रंग जुडके कभी न हों सफ़ेद, ऐसा वादा है इनको निभानाइस बगीचे मे अपना रंग ऐसा जमाना, कि चाहकर भी अम्बर और धरती को ना हो बिछडना 

अभी जा रहे हो तुम, ए प्यार के बादलों, याद रखना, इस बगीचे से है तुम्हे फिर गुज़रनाअगर भूल गये अपना वादा तो,
अम्बर और धरती के गुस्से मे, तुम्हे ज़रूर है मर मिटना

The line-by-line translation of the poem into English - 

ए बिखरते बादल, लौटके ज़रूर आना 

O Receding Clouds, Do come back again
जब सूख रहा था धूप मे, तब जिन्दगी के रंग से था अनजानाफिर आया एक रुत परवाना, कर गया अधूरेपन को बेगाना

When I was drying in the scorching sun, I was unaware of the colors of life
Then came a magical breeze,   and made my loneliness unknown to me.

डरावने काले घटा छाने लगे,फिर शुरु किया प्यार के बादलों ने रंग बरसानाआंगन मे फूल खिलने लगे, ऐसा सुकून कभी न था जाना

Fearful dark clouds began to cloud the sky, and began to shower the colors of love
Flowers started to blossom in my garden, a sense of calmness began to prevail ( in my listless mind)

रूखे रूखे उन लम्हों को, सिखाया इस सावन ने भुलानाफिर अचानक आए सूर्य महाराज शुरु कर दिया इन बादलों को भगाना

These showers have taught me to forget the drought that existed in my life
But suddenly came out the Sun, and started driving away these clouds

डरता है मन कहीं ये वापस न आए, इस बदरा के नीचे है इस पन्छी को पंख फैलानाइन्तजार रहेगा इन काले मेघों का ,अगले बार लायें वो इससे भी सुन्दर नज़राना

Mind fears that these clouds of happiness may not return,
For it wishes to open out its wings and fly among these clouds
The wait has begun for these clouds to return,
With a gift more beautiful

अम्बर को धरती से जोड दें, ले आके तोहफ़ा ऐसासतरंगी इन्द्रधनुष हो इतना सुहाना, जितनी बार भी देखूँ बन जाऊँ दीवाना

the Heaven and the Earth unite, such a gift it shall be
A rainbow so colorful,  the more I see it, the more I lose myself to it.

ये सात रंग जुडके कभी न हों सफ़ेद, ऐसा वादा है इनको निभानाइस बगीचे मे अपना रंग ऐसा जमाना, कि चाहकर भी अम्बर और धरती को ना हो बिछडना

These seven colours shall never fade into white-ness, such a promise they must make
Bind your colors with this garden, that Heaven and Earth should go apart even if they want to

अभी जा रहे हो तुम, ए प्यार के बादलों, याद रखना, इस बगीचे से है तुम्हे फिर गुज़रनाअगर भूल गये अपना वादा तो, अम्बर और धरती के गुस्से मे, तुम्हे ज़रूर है मर मिटना

Now you are passing away, O clouds of Love, Remember, Cross you must this garden one day or the other,
Lest you forget to keep you promise, prepare to get destroyed in the combined wrath of the Heaven and the Earth

And for people who cannot read hindi , transliteration of this poem in English -

Ae bikharthe baadhal, lautke zaroor aanaa
Jab sookh rahaa thaa dhoop me, tab zindagI ke rang se thaa anjaanaa
Fir aayaa ek ruth parvaanaa, kar gayaa adhoorepan ko begaanaa

Daraavane kaale ghataa chaane lage, fir shuru kiyaa pyaar ke baadalon ne rang barsaanaa
Aangan me phool khilne lage, aisaa sukoon kabhI na thaa jaanaa

Rookhe rookhe un lamhon ko, sikhaayaa is saavan ne bhulaanaa
Fir achaanak aaye soorya maharaaj, shuru kar diyaa in baadalon ko bhagaanaa

Darta hai man kahin ye vaapas na aaye, is badraa ke neeche hai is panchi ko pankh failaanaa
Intazaar rahegaa in kaale meghon kaa, agale baar laayen vo isse bhi sundar nazraanaa

Ambar ko dharthi se jod dhen, le aake tohfaa aisaa
Satrangi indradhanush ho itana suhaanaa, jitanii baar bhi dekhoon ban jaaoon deewaanaa

Ye saath rang judke kabhi na ho safed, aisaa vaadaa hai inko nibhaanaa
Is bageeche me apnaa rang aisaa jamaanaa, ki chahkar bhi ambar aur dharthi ko naa ho bicchadnaa

Abhi jaa rahe ho tum, ae pyaa ke baadalon, yaad rakhna, is bageeche se hai tumhe fir guzarnaa
Agar bhool gaye apnaa vaadaa to, ambar aur dharti ke gusse mein tumhe zaroor hai mar mitnaa

Image courtesy - http://www.flickr.com/photos/tuohimaa/48594729/sizes/o/in/photostream/

मेरी प्यारी सी कली - My delicate little one

Just wrote this poem a few days back - it describes the mind of an elder sister, who just got married, who wants to pacify her younger sibling. The younger sibling is agitated due to the suddenness of the changing relationships in the family.

Here it is -

मेरी छोटी सी नन्ही कली

हमेशा हसती, खेलती मुसकुराती

मुशकिल की घडी मे भी मुझे सम्भालती

आज अचानक एक गैर आया

मेरि प्यारी कली को रुलाया

और मुझे अपने साथ ले गया

इस नन्हे से पौधे को प्यार से सीचंने के लिए

मै वापस आ रही हूँ

एक नया रूप धारण किये

जो आज तक बनी थी बहिन

आज से हो जायेगी माँ तेरी

फिकर न करना मेरी प्यारी जान

ये तेरी माँ कभी न होगी तुझसे अनजान

English Transliteration of the same poem - 

merI ChotI sI nanhI kalI
HameshA hastI, kheltI,muskurAtI
Mushkil kI ghadI me bhI mujhe sambhAltI
Aaj achAnak ek gair aayA
merI pyArI kalI ko rulAyA
Aur mujhe apne sAth le gayA
Is nanhe se poudhe ko pyAr se sInchane ke liye
Mai vApas aa rahI hoon
Ek nayA roop dhAraN kiye
Jo aaj tak banI thI bahin
Aaj se ho jAyegI maa terI
Fikar na karnA merI pyArI jaan
Ye terI maa kabhi na hogI tujhse anjAn

English Translation of the above poem is here - 

My delicate little one
Always smiles, laughs and plays
In hard times, also shows me direction
Suddenly, a stranger came
And decided to take me away
But to nurture the growth of my little one,
I return
To be with you always, my love,
Who was until now your sister,
Shall now transform into your mother,
Never shed a tear out of despair, O little one,
For your mother shant ever give you up for anyone.

Photo Courtesy - Flickr - http://www.flickr.com/photos/chira/3422718555/sizes/m/in/photostream/

Khoj - Search

Khoj - The Unending Search - A small poem like piece in Hindi - My attempt at poetry.

Here the subject speaks about her quest for her "pillar of support", and how the quest leaves her warped in a time frame.

Here it is -

बहुत अरसों से हमने महसूस किया अपने आप को अधूरा
फिर निकल पड़े ढूंढ ने को अपना वो सहारा
एक बार हमारे नज़र में वो आ जाए, तो सोचा दिल संभलजाए
या फिर उसके एक झलक में हम आ जाएँ, मान लो उम्र हमारी ऐसे हि कट जाए
फूली  हुई अपनी साँसों में ढूँढा, खोये हुए खयालों में ढूँढा
रात की मजदूरी के लम्हों में ढूँढा, खाली सड़क के सराब में ढूँढा
वो न मिले जब तक, हम उनके लायक हो जाएँ, अपने आप में ऐसी काबिलियत ढूंढी
पर अब हम ये क्या कहें दोस्तों, वक्त हे उसे हमसे नही मिलाया
हम ढूंढते ढूंढते यहाँ रह गए, "उसके" साथ इंतज़ार का वक्त भी हाथ से निकलगया

Here is the English Transcript :-

Bahut arson se hamne mehsoos kiyaa apne aap ko adhooraa
Phir nikal pade dhoondh ne ko apnaa vo sahaaraaEk baar hamaare nazar mein vo aa jaaye, to socha dil sambhaljaaye
Yaa fir uske ek jhalak mein hum aa jaayen, maan lo umr hamari aise hi kat jaaye
Phooli hui apni saanson mein dhoondha, khoye hue khayaalon mein dhoondha
Raat ki Mazdoori ke lamhon mein dhoondha, khaali sadak ke saraab mein dhoondha
Vo na mile jab tak, hum unke laayak ho jaayen, apne aap mein aisi kaabiliyat dhoondhi
Par ab hum yeh kya kahein doston, vakt ne use humse nahi milayaa
Hum dhoondhthe dhoondhthe yahaan reh gaye, uske saath Intezaar ka vakt bhi haath se nikalgayaa

English Translation -

For a long time, I carried with me a sense of incompleteness
Then One day, I decided I will find Him, my pillar of support
If only I could set my eyes on Him once, I thought, my heart would find solace
Or If I could become visible to Him in some way, then I could spend the rest of my life being in His view.
I searched (for Him) in my anxious breath, I searched (for Him) in my lost thoughts
I searched (for Him) in the moments of hardship during late ending work nights, I searched (for Him) in the mirage of the empty road I travelled by daily
Until I find Him, wanting to make myself worthy of Him, I searched for that capability in me.
But what do I say now, Time did not bring us together,
In my quest, I stayed back here; With Him, Time also slipped out of my hands altogether.

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Image source: - http://yogaquest.wordpress.com/

Winds of Change

Winds of change blowing strong
I know not how and what will go wrong

Is this a passing phase? my mind asks
Why do you fear? my friend asks

I wish I could hide
Like a snail would in its shell
Until changes the tide
And time gets well

Should I let go?
Should I hold on strong?
Multitude of these questions
Continue to throng

My brain's going wild
My mind's eternally a child
In between these two
Very poor is my plight

Shall I Move away
To places unseen
For only when there is dust
Is a beam of sun light seen.

But Change is Constant
Constant is Change
If this is reality
Why is it so strange?

This is dedicated to Divya aka Kutti Pisasu, who (like me) is feeling topsy turvy about everything around her.